Yet again I find myself with little interest in the bulk of recordings I started for the next album. I'm at that point where it feels more like work and that feeling tends to stick around until the album is released. This feeling also happened to arrive around the outbreak of the genocide in Gaza and I have not been able to concentrate on anything else ever since.

Seeing what I've seen, and taking in what I've heard and read have dominated my mind. Most of the time my music never even crosses my mind and I hardly ever pick up an instrument. Weeks go by and I don't even think about my music. I'm even listening to less music. Neither of these are conscious decisions.

But then I talked to a friend who records solo modular synth, live in one take- performed and it's immediately done, aside from a touch of mixing. This made me very jealous, and it actually brought to mind that I had forgotten I had a recording project to work on, but the multi-track nature of these recordings left me with no desire to jump back in. I usually feel that I tend to use too many tracks, and that can sometimes muddle shit up. I often tell myself I'll use fewer tracks later on, but only occasionally follow through on that aim.

Plus, live solo recording is a vastly different game than multi-tracking.
So the solution I came up with was to record two pieces, each about 15 minutes in duration. 15 minutes being chosen because I have some old 30 minute blank cassettes sitting around (though I'm not gonna use them this go-round). Really they were practice tapes to see what would come out of solo longform improvisation.

I found it to be a very enjoyable approach, but with mixed results. I especially enjoyed the ease of "one and done," so I figured I'd give it another go for further practice which also led to a third session.

There are things I like and don't like about every piece I recorded, so I'm glad I tried this technique. This is definitely a work of vulnerability and with such raw emotions from closely following the genocide in Gaza, it felt even more-so.

These pieces are raw, messy, open and honest. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but to me that makes it more "real."

I'm also frustrated that this project has no reach. I don't play live or promote outside of one instagram post, so this is inevitable. This is not at all because of me or my ego, but I wish that I could donate sales (but that's been $123 total across 7 years, and a good chunk of that is from one of my sisters) to charities, or more importantly, have a platform with a wider reach to push for a ceasefire, an end to the occupation and for the security of a free Palestine. Seeing how most people with larger platforms are choosing to remain silent leaves me incredibly disappointed and very angry.

This is a time of feeling powerless and hopeless but artists have always carried a light. Art can remind us of our strength, bring people together to amplify the cause, and change large portions of public opinion. My artistic light is very small and many times I was in bands with people who mocked my passion, ambition, and/ or lack of technical ability. This cutting down did some psychological damage, but it never killed my passion. I'll carry that wonky little flame with me as long as I draw breath.

The cover photo was taken looking out my backdoor. I've always found staring at clouds and out into the sky to be very peaceful and meditative. I feel like the image holds both light and dark impressions, as I have no desire for my work to portray just one emotion. We as people are far more complex than that and I firmly believe our art should reflect that complexity. Confusion opens the doors of interpretation. Here's hoping no two are the same.

In short, this is a fucked up work from fucked up times.

Recorded at home- November, 2023